So Nachi. Finally figured out what you like best. You, a veteran player of many faces. Best of all: You like to study the game more than you enjoy playing it. There is no kind way to phrase it. Nachi. You study too much.

Eaioue …. Y !! That’s not the real purpose of any game, is it?

Of course, who am i to judge?

Historically, you made your name as a brilliant cash game player. Back then your living was made in late night chouettes with sultans, rascals, and movie stars. Things change, i see. Win some fake World Championship of Backgammon on a swanky cruise ship and bask eternally. Years later, you were tricked into losing a metric tonne of money at national events, starting with tournament losses from the raked winner’s pool, then from exaggerated hotel rates with a heated pool. One incident involved an oceans-eleven style heist. Surprisingly, but more to the point, you lost biggly at high-stakes chouettes. A game at nosebleed heights. And you still owe bags of cash, now consolidated into one not-so-easy weekly payment.

i see your neck is pulsing, Mr Nachi. Have a drink of water. You’d love a donnybrook right now, wouldn’t you? Make kiai. Go for the knockout punch.

But, Sir Nachi, that’s why we are so alike, You and i. Study does it for us. Churns our mill. Find yourself in a peculiar opening position, ask a few tactical questions and, voila, your curiosity is all hoggel-baited. Hours down the rabbit hole of strategic choices.

Thus, please take a look at the backgammon position for this post. File it away somewhere.

It’s your move, Nachi ….

Monte-Python-style interlude

What do you mean, i need to put more salesmanship into it? Hey, i made the overture here. Not you. Broadway lights will flash out the letters Nachi, for heaven’s sake.

Suddenly you won’t do the interview without more razzle-dazzle? What kind of gambler are you, Nachi? Conjure up a flimsy asking price for a brief lesson with master Nachi, perhaps even use the Parker backgammon board? That’s not the way this session is going to play out.

Interlude: Python-esque cartoon scene

After your intriguing play of the innocuous 23s opening, may i raise the stakes?

Stage cue for exit

walter trice
howard ring
falafel
X-22
oswald jacoby
barclay
tim holland
hugh hefner
… and the rest of the hefnerata
And dwek?

Don’t forget the sponsors

Can’t forget Nachi either. So do the interview. Do it for yourself. Especially if you want to make “the list” this season.

Still you refuse to give a decent interview? Here i am, arranging your elevation to “the list”? Not a fair way to treat your new promoter, your new partner. Remember those 1970s debts, right? Mentioned earlier. Well, they won’t pay themselves. Hence a descent to a barter system.

i will have the interview. Perhaps not verbal. Certainly not written. But over the board. Casually. At my stakes. On my time table.

Any thoughts on this topic, Nachi? ….

The cast takes a curtain call

Yes, your promoter. i was thinking, perhaps start your self-promotion with a contest. Invent the Jacoby Number, in honor of the wizard Oswald Jacoby. It works like this. If you’ve played with Jacoby, your J-Number is one. If not, but you’ve played with someone who has, your J_Number is two. Recursively, if not, da-da-da, then et cetera.

Rest assured i will cleverly arrange for you to play some old geyser who once played Oswald Jacoby. Schedule the game before the geyser dies. That boosts your name on the list. Helps your prospects.

My pleasure. That’s what a paid promoter does, on your behalf. With emphasis on “paid”. Remember that part. Your debts? Well, i am pimping you. Pimping your backgammon talents, to be more exact. Just until your debt is fully paid off, including the vig of course. Sadly, the 1970s were awhile ago. Calculators yes, no computers, no smartphones. My boss — did i mention Mister Big? — my boss does not send rookies to do a crow’s job. He does things with finality. If you catch the innuendo. Finality. As do all successful mobsters.

Pick up your dice, please.

Ladies and gentlemen. Tonight is a rare treat, an interview with Nachi. Tell us, Nachi, why did you come out of retirement?